tirsdag 21. juli 2009

Here I am, once again...

Back again. I haven't felt for writing something until now, but I'm here. The last days have been really up and down. I've felt sooo terrible, and I feel like I have eaten way to much most of the days. Today my weight was 57,9 kg. Was happy when I saw it, since that mean I've lost weight, but after today... I don't know. I really wish I haven't gained anything tomorrow, but I guess I have.

Today's intake: 1000 kcal
Outtake: 480 kcal
SUM: 520 kcal.

Not to bad, but it is bad. I've changed my mind: IT IS REALLY BAD! But, I'm back for full now. And together with some new thinspo. I have found very many Norwegian pro-ana blogs. I actually didn't know that they existed. Well, it's sooo fun to read them, and many of them inspire me very much. So the blogs are keeping me busy from the thoughts about food. Which is great... I just hate that I think about food so much. I hate that I often want to eat some of the nasty calories. It's the same as saying "hello fatness, goodbye beauty!". I don't want fatness. I want beauty, so much.
I feel like I can do it this time. My goal is 57 kg on Sunday. I know I can do that, and if I'm really good to stay away from food and exercise more, I'm sure I can go even lower than 57. The reason I have to be 57 by Sunday is that my brother is celebrating his birthday. Birthday = cakes = calories. I know I will eat cakes and stuff that day, but I shall try to resist. Of course, I can resist if I want, it's just that one of the family's who are coming knew a girl who had anorexia. And they're daugther (who was bestfriend with the girl with anorexia) hate to see that I don't eat. She is really extreme on that, and I understand her since she lost a friendship from anorexia, but I mean come on! Just that I'm drinking water instead of soda doesn't mean that I'm anorexic. The fact that I don't eat meat, just lettuce and vegetables, doesn't mean that I'm anorexic. I don't eat candy, but I'm not anorexic! Hell not...

So once again, my goal for Sunday is 57 kg. Know I can do it. And tomorrow I'm also gonna take some measure of myself. I don't know if I'll post them, but I will write them down so I can compare them later.

I'm of to read more blogs now, but you'll hear from me tomorrow. Stay strong for now, boys and girls! Love yah all<33


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