Holiday!

I'll be back in a week.
Stay strong all of you!

<33

Dancing<3

Short post. I'm going away on dancing in 30 minutes, so I'm in a hurry.
Anyways, things are going pretty fine. My goal this week was to be down 1 kg from Monday to Sunday, but actually I think it'll be 2 kg.
Monday morning: 59 kg
Tuesday morning: 58,5 kg
Tuesday evening: 58 kg
Wednesday morning: 57,6 kg
And just now: 57,2 kg

Today I think that at the end of the day my intake will be around 1200 kcal. So the rest of the weekend I have to be careful. I'll do my best.
I'm going away this Sunday, and won't be back before the next Sunday.
I know I'll probably gain when I'm on holiday. I mean, it's really not easy NOT to gain when you are eating out on restaurants every night. But of course, I'll do my best.

My goal for the Autumn leave was actually 51 kg. And if I gain to 58 kg or something during this trip, I have 4 weeks to loose 7 kg. That'll be hard. Do' know if I can do that, but it's okay as long as I keep losing.

Well, I have to go then.
I'll write more tonight or tomorrow.

Love yah <33

Marca

Second day at school

School is still a rescue from food. Love school at the moment<3

Had 1000 kcal today. Know I shouldn't have had so much, but then I'll see tomorrow what it does to my weight. I mean, if you lived on a 1000 calories the rest of you're life, you how to get skinny sometime, right? Since 1000 calories is the half of what a woman really need. It will take longer time, though.

Of course I won't do that. Tomorrow I'm gonna stay under 500. I'm gonna be quite busy tomorrow, so that'll be easy.

We have gym at school tomorrow. I really don't like gym cause I'm so bad at it. I'm always messing thing up. Of course, gym is exercising, but still. Dancing is the best!

K and I are going on shopping on Thursday. I'll do my very best. And K is a healthy person, so I guess if we buy food at least it will be healthy.

On Friday I'm going to a birthday party. That means alcohol. But I'll eat as little as possible before the party. And I know we'll not eat dinner, just snacks, which are pretty easy to avoid. And I wan't be drinking that much, so... It'll be fun.

Stay strong everybody. And thanks for the comments<3 I know I'm not good at all to comment on everyones blogs, but I'm one of those who never know what to write. Bad excuse, I know.

xoxo for now,
Marca

PS: I lost 1 lbs from yesterday!

Schoolstart

Yep, school started today. Funny! Ehh, wtf?!?
But I do like it actually. It's easier not to eat at school. Of course, friends becomes a problem sometimes, but they are used to me eating little, so it goes pretty well.
The only bad thing about it is that my stomach always (and then I mean ALWAYS) makes so much noise. And when everybody hear my stomach, they have hard to believe it sometimes when I say I'm not hungry. Hmmm...
Any tips what to do about a screaming stomach?!

I also started as a dancing teacher today. Two hours three times a week.
And soon my own dancing will start again. One hour two times a week.
Yes, you read right. I'm gonna be busy.
Which is a great thing, cause then my mother can't make me it so much.
And I love dancing, so this shall be fun.

I have had 400 calories today. Pretty good. Don't know my weight though since my mother was on the bathroom so much this morning. But I'm gonna weigh myself tomorrow, if I get the chance that is.
I don't know how many calories I'll have tomorrow. My friend K and I are maybe going out on shopping, but I don't know yet. If we do, it'll be pretty hard not to eat so much, but I'll do my best of course.

Anyways, my goal this week is to just lose as much as possible. I'm going away to Africa on Sunday remember. I'll be gone a week then. So I have to do my very best this week.
I know I can do it.

Hope everyone are doing fine <3

xoxo,
Marca

Like hell...

I'm back.
But things didn't go very well at camping.
Eating like a pig.
Looking like a overweight cow.
On Sunday my stomach felt really flat. And I was happy.
The reason was that I drank saturday night.
I was pretty drunk. I even trow up. And I never trow up.
And the next morning my stomach felt flat, and I felt sooo good.
Until we ate. I ate to much at dinner that night.
And to much the next day.
And the next day.
And the next.
And next.
And so it went on.
I was exercising some too. Just not enough.
And tomorrow I'm gonna weigh myself. But I don't think I'll tell you my weight.
I know the weight will be pretty bad. Very very bad.
And I know that I have to do my best this weekend. Even though it's my mother's birthday tomorrow. And some people are coming over. And there will be food and cakes. Blah...
I'll write tomorrow.
It's so good to be back.
I've missed you all so much!
And thanks for all the lovely comments <3

xoxo,
Marca

Please, don't forget me...

I'll be back in a week!
Camping, yes. No, not funny.
Take a deep breath, Marca. You'll be fine. You can take your best friend with you. Ana will come with you. Stay calm. Yes, like that. Good girl!

I have to survive this week. And I have to be a really good girl this week. The weight today was disappointening. Ana was not pleased. Marca was not pleased.
Marca look at herself in the mirror and see a big cow. A fat stomach, which kind of grows over her jeans. Big, fatty arms and even bigger, fattier tighs, which are all dizzing and ugly and I hate it. I hate it.
Marca hate her big self.
Marca wan't to be skinny. Like her best friend Ana.
Ana is Skinny. Ana is Beautiful. Ana is Perfect.

Ana whisper things to Marca. Whisper that she always will be there to help Marca, cause Ana know that Marca wan't to be skinny. Ana also wan't Marca to be skinny. Cause then people will notice Marca. People will like Marca. Then Marca's friends don't have to be ashamed of Marca anymore. Marca can't wait till she's skinny.

Marca's best friend S told Marca that she had gained weight. She said she hated it. She said she wanted to lose the weight again, and become like she was. S says she'll be starting a diet. Marca says she know how S feels, and Marca also says that she will join S on her diet.

S will start a healthy diet. Eat healthy food and exercise. Healthy food means at least 1300 kcal every day. Marca know's better. Marca know much better than S how to lose weight. Marca know that it's easier to eat little. Very little. And execise much. Very much. Marca know that if you wan't to be skinny you can't eat 1300 kcal. It doesn't work that way. But Marca can't tell her dieting friend S that. Cause S want's to lose her extra weight and be "Healthy skinny". Marca wanna be skinny. Skinny skinny. Big different. S would be worried about Marca's health if Marca teached S what she does to lose weight.
But it is great to know that S is dieting. It wan't be that difficult for Marca then. For Marca to diet her own way.

Marca have to go know. She have to pack her things. But please, don't forget her. She'll be back. And maybe then she'll be a pound lighter than before she went. Don't know. Have to wait and see.

Love yah all, my beautiful followers, or can I call you my friends. Cause it feel like you are all my friends. An Marca feel that her heart says she love you all, friends <33

Just one more thing; Marca loves her hair today. It looks very pretty. Like angelhair.
Marca wishes her hair to look like that every day!
<3

But you didn't

Remember the time you lent me
your car and I dented it?
I thought you'd kill me.
But you didn't.

Remember the time I forgot to tell you
the dance was formal, and you came in jeans?
I thought you'd hate me.
But you didn't.

Remember the time I'd flirt with other boys
just to make you jealous, and you were?
I thought you'd drop me.
But you didn't.

There were plenty of things you did
to put up with me, to keep me happy,
to love me, and there are so many things I wanted
to tell you when you returned from Vietnam.
But you didn't.

"Merill Glass"
(An American High School pupil)

Life is not easy...

Well, what can I say.
Yesterday was a little good.
Today was a disaster.
My life is so not happy. I am so not happy.
I hate my"ugly"self!
I don't understand,
why do innocent people have to die?
Why can't the destiny hit me.
If someone absolutely have to die,
why can't that "someone" be me?
Life sucks.
That's all I know now.
Marca should never have been born.
She didn't ask for this life.
Maybe she would have wanted her next life.
But not this one.
Not this fucking life.
The world is evil.
Unfair.
False.
Frightening.
Mad.
And sad.
Ohh, so sad.
And I am not in mood now.
I guess you understood that.
Well, what can I say...

This is a short one. Just wanna say to beginner that I would love to get you're msn, but I don't know where you can send it. Hmm, do you have any idea?!? :D
If I change my comments so I can decide weather to public them or not. Then you can send you're msn as a comment.

<3

OMFG!

First of all, I'm sorry for beeing away so long. I have been home all the time, but I didn't deserve to be on here. I've been terrible with the whole eating-thing. My stomach is just so bloated. I look so fat. I hate it. And on Friday I'm going away on camping, and I was supposed to be down to 55 kg by then. There is no way I can do that. Oh, I'm so angry at myself. Most of these days have started good, but then I've eaten something and felt like it's all distroyed. So then I've just continued eating. WTF?!? But....,

It's too late to change on that now. I just have to do my very best the 5 next days. I don't wanna weigh myself tomorrow. I may do it on Tuesday, I dunno. We'll see. It all depends on how I feel. It's like the weight makes up the entire day. If the weight is bad, I just lose all the inspiration, but if the weight is good, I'm good :D Make sense, does it?! Heheh, thought so.

Anyways. I don't have a plan for the next days, but I have to say that I can't let myself go over 500 kcal. 500 will be the absolutely maximum, but I think I'll try to do better than that. I have to.

And, I nearly forgot. I have 29 followers. OMG, that's amazing. Thank you to all of you. You are such a great support to me. I love to read all your comments, they're so lovely<3

I'll see you all tomorrow then and tell you have the day was.
xoxo,
Marca

PS: I was wondering if (vixenchick) could invite me to you're blog. I would love to read it! :D